source: positionu4college.wordpress.com

 At the age of 22 I experienced my first heartbreak. In retrospect, I see how the enemy has used that situation to His advantage.

I was pretty devastated that he and I were not going to work out. Afterwards it seemed like I was aimlessly drifting in search of love. A man was going to love me. I would make sure of it. I remember one time I kissed three different guys in one week. Although I was not sexually active, I was very emotionally promiscuous. I would find myself in the same cycle: I like a guy. He likes me. We talk for a few months, sometimes exchanging kisses. The end. There was never a relationship, commitment, etc. This pattern in my life began to hurt me and cause major damage to my self esteem. I came to the conclusion that I was rejected by men.

 Slowly but surely, that rejection went from men, to everyone. I hated the idea of meeting new people in fear of them rejecting me. So what did I do? I rejected them first, having limited to zero contact with them. But this was just the beginning. It soon grew like wildfire.

If I wrote on your Facebook page and you didn’t respond back my mind would automatically think “They don’t like you. They are mad at you. You’re rejected. Never reach out to them. Etc, etc, etc. “It was also the same for someone failing to follow me back on Twitter, respond to a text, direct message, etc. It’s quite sad and very exhausting.

 I will never forget the first and only time I heard a message preached on the spirit of rejection. My beautiful Aunty Gayle educated the entire congregation on this pathetic spirit, but I felt like she was talking directly to me. It was bittersweet. After years of secretly wondering if I was bipolar or just overly sensitive, I now knew exactly what was going on with me. Now, how do I make it stop?

 We all know that Peter denied Jesus three times. He rejected Christ. But doesn’t it warm your heart to see Jesus ask Peter if he loves Him three times (I’m guessing one for each time Peter denied Him), and then go on to forgive him (John 21: 15-17). Even though Peter rejected Jesus, He did not reject Peter. See what the spirit of rejection does is takes the focus off of Christ and puts it on yourself. “Don’t nobody like me. I’m unlovable. What’s wrong with me? , etc.” Me. Me. Me. It causes us to get so emotionally caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves, failing to have a fruit bearing relationship with Christ.

 Seeing that I battle with this spirit, I clearly see when someone else is battling with it as well. It hurts me to see how this spirit can destroy relationships and people are oblivious to the root that is causing much confusion.

 As I laid in the bed the other morning around 4:30 a.m. the Lord began to reveal to me how ever since Lucifer was dismissed from heaven, he has been on a mission to cause others to feel rejected by Christ. This is why he deceived Eve. He wanted God to reject her as well. The spirit of rejection is a weak, noodle back punk.

 I must often remind myself that Christ has accepted me and that’s all the acceptance I need (#bloodbought). When I feel those crazy thoughts surfacing, I don’t accept them. It’s a fight, but my fight is not alone.

 It has literally taken me months to write this letter. I knew that God wanted me to be transparent about this, because I’m not the only one dealing with this spirit. May God get all the glory.

Love Always,

 Nikki