Nikki and the City

Never Pursue a Man, You Are the Prize: Wedding Chronicles


I wish I would have gotten it quicker than I did, but thank God I finally got it. These are the words my step-daddy spoke to me all the time. “A woman should NEVER pursue a man. She is the prize”. It all makes sense  now.

You guys pretty much know my story. I grew up in a strict Christian household. I couldn’t have boy phone calls, until after I turned 16. I could barely look at a guy around my step-daddy. I don’t know if his extra strictness had to do with my sister being a teenage mom, and him trying to protect me from experiencing the same, or his ability to see straight through knuckle head boys. Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to get caught up with some random boy. Especially living with inspector gadget a.k.a. my step-daddy.

Was I squeaky clean?

Of course NOT! I couldn’t receive boy phone calls, but that never stopped me from making them when my parents left the house. I met boys at the mall, theater, cousin’s house, wherever. After I turned 21, it was a new day. My parents could only tell me how they felt, but I was able to make my own decisions. One of those decisions involved me being in a 4-year situation. I can’t even call it a relationship. First red flag right?

Low-key pursuing him…

He lived out of town, which resulted in us visiting each other’s city from time to time. We’d have anywhere from 3-9 hour long phone calls. Talking about everything and nothing. I believed we would be perfect together, and everyone else around me agreed. However, there was one major problem: he couldn’t commit to me. If you let him tell it, it wasn’t time, he wasn’t ready, he was praying about it…blah, blah, blah. Keep in mind all of his “reasonings” wasn’t reason enough for him to break off our “situation”. We continued to talk all the time, visit each other, and make out like crazy fools. I honestly believed one day he’d come around and realize I was the one for him. Boy was I wrong. Dead wrong.

You know what they say…hindsight is always 20/20

I thank God, because before I started to date my fiancé I reached a really strong/independent place. I was excited about my relationship with Christ, my career as a writer, and simply living my life. I wasn’t stuntin’ a dude. However, it wasn’t until my fiancé came along I was truly able to see a woman never ever has to pursue a man, if the man really wants her. I never had to question if he was going to call me, because I was too busy answering his calls. I never wondered when would be the next time I’d see him, because he’d plan our next encounter before we separated. He wanted me and he made that extremely clear. There were never any blurred lines. I didn’t have to pursue him. He was chasing after me, making it clear I was the prize.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my teenage years and start over. While I never flat out 100% pursued a guy, I had thirsty tendencies. Where did they get me? Nowhere, because in the end God’s word still proves to be true: “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22. Not SHE who finds a husband. My dear sisters, let him find you. Are you currently pursuing a guy? STOP it. Unsure? Here’s how you know if you’re pursuing him and not vice versa:

  • You usually call or text him first
  • You create little moments for you guys to be together a.k.a. fake dates
  • Most of the time you find yourself driving to his house or meeting him somewhere (a real man will come & get you sis)
  • You’re unsure about the status of your “relationship”
  • You’re the one who initiates the “DTR” (define the relationship) conversation

Ugh… been there, done that, wrote the book, bought the t-shirt. It leads to nowhere, but self destruction and a mother load of rejection issues that will spiral out of control if not dealt with immediately. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE. The bible says we’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). Walk in that truth and let him pursue you. You are the prize.

Love Always,


P.S. Lord knows I’ve come a LONG way with this whole love thing. It’s my passion to share my story with women, to encourage us to trust God’s plan for us. Stay tuned for more of my thoughts about love and relationships. I plan to post a “wedding chronicles” post once a week. :)

14 thoughts on “Never Pursue a Man, You Are the Prize: Wedding Chronicles

  1. Candace

    This entire post….AMEN!! I never chased a man (pride wouldn’t let me) but I stayed in “situations” and even married one knowing it was off and totally what I needed/deserved. Congrats on your engagement and your Mr finding his good thing.

  2. Alayna

    I just wanted to thank you for being so honest about yourself. I have read this post a few times and each time I’ve read it , it keeps me strong and sure of who I am. Thank you again for being such a real and beautiful person :)

  3. Tracye

    This is something my dad taught me also. Hearing it again is a reminder that God has someone out there for me still. I am soon to be 48, never married but I have 2 children (by the same father who is deceased) and I have been single for YEARS.

    I don’t get approached much and I used to have a complex because of that. I thought I was not attractive enough and my (so-called) friends would say it was because I was prudish. Then someone told me it was because certain men knew they wouldn’t stand a chance. They would have to be right to even approach me. I welcome and appreciate my fence even more now and will wait for the right person with the key to the lock on the gate.

    Thanks for the encouragement.

  4. Kaykay

    Thank you for the article, im going through the same process and its not easy. I am out of it and now trying to love me and my Jesus. God bless you and I wish you and your hubby to be only Gods best.

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