Raise your hand if you’ve ever fasted for God to send you a husband. I’m so glad that question wasn’t asked out loud in a packed church service, because unfortunately I would have to raise my hand. I’m not talking about fasting for direction in life, but actually turning over my plate, so God can send me a husband. Yuck. It’s a sad reality that’s a bit too common in the church. I’m a firm believer that the church’s unhealthy fetish has been going on for YEARS. It’s amazing that the spiritual eyes who continues to condone this behavior have yet to clearly see how much hurt this fetish has caused millions of single women around the world.
It seems like as soon as I hit the proper age for marriage, it became the highlight of my Christian walk. Literally. I wish I can I can take the blame, but I was actually encouraged by those around me. I can’t tell you the hundred and hundreds of conversations that occurred between myself and my friends about when we’d get married. We would swap wedding books and share details for our big day. I can’t say any of us were close to getting married or actually dating someone, but that meant nothing to us. In our minds it was always “our season” to get married. With each passing year I remember saying “God is going to send my Boaz this year”. Sad to say, it would take years before I would have a new mindset of each year being GOD’s year, and completely surrender to His will. However, a GREAT amount of time was spent daydreaming about my “soon to come” prince, and an ever greater time was spent being frustrated at his slow arrival. Oh well, I was completely fine with planning our perfect wedding while awaiting his arrival.
We were made for more.
Now that my dream of being married is about to come true, I realize that my entire identity isn’t centered around being a wife. I’m thankful for women who’ve shared stories of losing and finding themselves after saying “I do”. Such a great emphasis is put on being someone’s wife, that’s it’s easy to forget the woman God made you. I WISH this was emphasized to me earlier in life. I wish every time I complained about wanting to be married, someone would have told me to pursue being an entrepreneur. I wish every time I felt sorry for myself because I was single, I’d have an epiphany on how many goals I have inside of me that I’ve yet to reach and realize I didn’t time for a pity party. I wish the church celebrated the awesomeness of individuals, instead of the single’s ministry low-key being a watch meeting for your potential spouse. I wish someone could have grabbed me by the shoulders screaming “You were made for more!”
Too many singles feel hurt and rejected.
It’s true. I was one of them. I thought maybe something was wrong with me, because I was single. I’d began to wonder if I’d ever obtain the amazing marriage status that was glorified by the church, instead of focusing on my status with Christ. I felt insecure around married couples and cringed whenever I’d receive their pity for my singleness. As if I was the one with the problem. While I don’t believe all single people want to be married and all married people want to be single, I do believe a lot of marriages are a result of pressure from the church.
The pressure of being a single Christian is real. As someone who was just there, I understand. Let me tell you, I WISH I could have been more wise in my singleness before my husband to be found me. Child, I would have been paying off all types of debt, taking more mini girls trip, establishing the Nikki and The City Brand, and simply living my life.
Christ lived his life on earth as a single man. The Apostle Paul was single. He even said:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 1 Corinthians 7:8
The Apostle Paul knew the single person can solely focus on the things of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Why aren’t more churches teaching this truth? If this happened, more singles would feel totally edified and whole in their singleness, and wouldn’t covet marriage so much.
My brothers and sisters, don’t fall into the many traps of desiring to get married, that you never discover the awesome things God created you for outside of marriage. Also, let’ not forget the awesome, overwhelming love of the Father. Ahhhhhhhh it’s perfect in all its ways. No other love can compare. I’d like to picture God’s love for us looking a little something like this:
Yep. Receive it
Do you agree the church has an unhealthy fetish with “getting married”? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Sound off below!