When Christian Men Break Your Heart

by Wednesday, February 25, 2015

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I couldn’t believe it happened to me. My first heartbreak came from a man of God. He was actually the son of a preacher, with aspirations to lead his own flock one day. Out of all the silly, mediocre relationships I’d been in that amounted to nothing, I just knew I hit the jackpot when I started dating my man of God. I just knew we’d get married and live happily ever after. Why? Because, he was a Christian man. He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t break my heart. Blah blah, blah… I can’t decide what hurt me the most: the fact that he chose another woman over me, or the fact that a man of God actually broke my heart.

As I write this post, I’m struggling with what NOT to say, but it must be said. Some (huge emphasis on some) Christian men have done a terrible job on helping guard the hearts of their sister’s in the church. I’ve seen it, up close and personal. I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen men almost go through entire congregations and friendship circles, in an effort to find their wife. In some cases I’ve seen men go so far as to proposing to a woman, have her uproot her entire life to be with him, only to say “Oops, God said you’re not the one.”

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God said. Now let’s repeat it in the form of a question, God said? I too, was hit with the “God said you’re not my wife” line. It even happened during the middle of a date. That line always confused me, because if these men were listening to God to hear him say I wasn’t the one, then how come they didn’t hear God tell them not to approach me in the first place? Unsolved mysteries right?

Before you guys begin to label me as a “Bitter Black Woman”, please know that I’m not. I’m now married to the man of my dreams. God knows I’m not trying to place all the blame on men, but it took me being pursued by my husband, to realize the huge responsibility men in the church have. The ball is ALWAYS in their court.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

HE who finds a wife. Not SHE who finds a husband. At times, this was the hardest part about being single. I had to wait for my husband to find me. I don’t believe in women pursuing men, so when I would be approached by Christian men, I took it extremely serious. Why? I assumed these men were looking for their wife, and had taken the time to talk to God about me, before their initial approach. Boy was I wrong, on too many occasions. And because the bible says we are fearfully & wonderfully made, and made in the image of God, I assumed Christian men had this in mind when approaching women in the church. Why was I so naive? After 2 heartbreaks and a few disappointments along my love life journey, I came to the conclusion that I was to guard my own heart with diligence, like a lion (Proverbs 4:23). Depending on the integrity of some of my Christian brothers had become a detriment to my well-being.

Check out my books “When God Said Yes” & “The 30 Day Man Fast”.

As I stated earlier, I’m now married to the love of my life (THANK GOD), however, I’m still unfortunately witnessing this vicious cycle continue. Christian man meets Christian woman. He pursues woman. They become the new cute couple. Everyone just KNOW they’re going to get married one day. And… it’s over. Nine times out of ten, the woman along with her friends is left scratching her head, wondering what in the world happened? Or in my case, crying her eyes out, and blaming herself for another failed relationship. Who’s to blame?

If you ask me, I blame the men for quickly jumping into relationships as a way to hydrate their thirstiness, failing to ask themselves “Is this my life partner?”, and wait for God to answer. However, on the other hand, I can’t help but to wonder if us as women have done a poor job at guarding our hearts. It can be hard to find a good man in the church, so the temptation is real when one begins to show a hint of interest, which may sometimes cloud our judgement. I also believe since there’s no specific outline on how to date in the Bible, some of us are just out here winging it.

To continue reading, please visit www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com.

2 Responses
  • Dominique
    February 26, 2015

    Aw Lou! This was quite insightful and relevant. I can definitely relate to this– as many of my sisters can as well. I think the blame can be placed all over there’s certainly enough to go around, free blame for all!

    But in all seriousness, I think all parties involved can glean some major lessons via heartbreak. Lessons all rooted in God’s faithfulness. It takes time but our God is a healer. We break guys hearts, they break ours, and God restores us both.

    PS: Congrats to you and the man of your dreams! Truly. Tis a blessing. A challenging blessing i’m sure, but totally worth it. I’m praying for you both. Thank you for sharing this too– looks like your experience is still helping others shift through this awkward beauty called the sanctification process.

    Grace and peace to you, love.

  • Apostle Anderson
    November 3, 2015

    TO SINGLE MEN & I DON’T MEAN ALL SINGLE MEN:

    I must take some time to address what I am seeing concerning Single Woman of God In Waiting. There are some beautiful, wonderful Women of God/Daughters of God who are waiting for [single men] to step up and act like mature adult men who are ready for a mature committed relationship that leads to a marriage.

    What I mean is this; the Bible says “He that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives Favor from God” Pv18:22.

    What I am seeing however is to many men aren’t looking for wives, instead they are sexually running through the women in the world and sadly women in the church as well. These men aren’t ready to settle down and act like husbands.

    There are women out here that will make great wives but they are continually running into men that want their bodies but not a meaningful relationship. These men are playing with women as a pose to pursuing the personality and purpose of the woman they are in contact with. Sadly this is, in many occasions wasting the time of women that are waiting on their true husbands to arrive. Also many women are settling for men that haven’t learned how to commit to a relationship and many husbands that haven’t learned how to come home at night. Also to many women know they are sharing their man, boyfriend and husbands with other women. I encourage you to pray and seek The Lord concerning separating from men/husbands that refuse to repent from this behavior; this way you will make room for your true husbands to arrive.

    TO THE SINGLE MEN:
    I say; stop the college frat house/strip club lifestyle and learn how to be a man or if you can’t do that stop wasting the time of true Women of God.

    TO THE SINGLE WOMAN/DAUGHTERS OF GOD:
    Hold your faith and don’t compromise/settle for a man that acts like he can’t commit to a relationship that leads to a marriage.

    WOMEN OF GOD: IT’S BETTER TO BE ALONE THEN WITH THE WRONG MAN, KEEP WAITING IT’S HARD BUT IT’S WORTH IT!

    CONCLUSION: The picture reflects the desire of many Daughters of God who are ready and willing to work together with a good Man of God.

    MEN TIME TO STEP UP

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