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Creating Something Out of Nothing

March 13, 2013 9 Comments
source: bet.com

source: bet.com

It seems like everything I ever get in life, I have to work for. At times I catch myself envying those who seem to have everything handed to them on a silver platter, while as for me, the struggle is real. However, I’m learning to enjoy the strenuous process of creating something out of nothing.

 Lately I’ve gained a huge amount of respect for entrepreneurs. As a new entrepreneur, I’m learning the process is hard, and that’s an understatement. It’s easy for one to get lost in how beautiful and surreal their dream is, but the reality of how much work is needed to make your dream a reality will wake you up, fast.

Quickly you begin to recognize the importance of numbers. How much money will I need? How much money do I currently have? How many people will show up? How many likes can I get on my Facebook page? How can I increase my numbers? And it goes on and on, and on.  Not only do you have to produce an excellent product, but you have to ensure marketing is on point in order to gain revenue. You want your supporters to create more supporters. You gain tunnel vision and officially enter into your zone.

All of a sudden you’re attending more events than ever. You never thought you’d consider ordering new business cards over a new pair of shoes, or willingly choose to stay in and work on a Friday night over chilling with the homies. No vacation this year, because all of this hard work is going to pay off, and next year’s vacay is going to be epic. Your entire life becomes a sacrifice, and that’s okay, because greater things are coming.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” -Frederick Douglass-

It will become dry. There will be days, weeks, and even entire seasons it seems like nothing is happening. Keep going. Every single solitary move matters, no matter how big or small it may seem. Continue to knock on doors. Don’t take the no’s personal. Boldly continue to knock until you find the yes.

So here’s a digital toast: To the man selling oils and incense out the trunk of his car. To the lady selling oranges and towels by the freeway. To the hair stylist who’s on the verge of opening your own salon. To the musicians working day jobs in order to fund your dreams. To the go-getters, mover & shakers, and hustlers. Your struggle is not in vain. It gets better.

And to the bloggers, writers, and media savvy people like me who are in the midst of creating something out of nothing, here’s my advice: Go to Be Blogalicious 2013! I attended last year and it totally rocked me world. If you’re serious about taking your brand to the next level, you need to invest into attending this conference. For more information click here. Tell them Nikki sent you :)

Better is coming,

-N-

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Even If You Don’t Have Anything…Start There: My Favorite Quote

November 1, 2012 3 Comments

photo source: wrath22.blogspot.com

There was a point in my life when I was very depressed. I wasn’t in school and I was unemployed. My days consisted of watching talk shows, wishing I could be doing something productive. There was one moment in particular that I will never forget. My aunt called, asking what was I doing. I told her I was flipping through a magazine looking at all the successful women. She must have heard something in my voice, because she immediately said “That’s going to be you one day”. I held back tears and simply replied “I hope so”. How was that going to be me one day? I wasn’t in school. I wasn’t working. I had nothing, and at the time I believed that I was nothing.

As I began to put the pieces of my life together, things began to fall in place. I eventually enrolled in school. It wasn’t an HBCU or an Ivy League. It was a Junior college, that would eventually lead me to a University. With the help of my parents I was able to get a lap top. It wasn’t a MAC-book, but it was mine and it got the job done. I began to work at Marshall Field’s in the cosmetics department, which led to me being a makeup artist for M.A.C. The pieces of the puzzle for my life were falling into place. 

Here I am, almost ten years later from that season of depression, and things have significantly changed. In 2009 I received my Bachelor of Arts in Communications, becoming a first generation graduate in my family. After college I interned for a year in Jackson, MS, then came home and found a job immediately. I say immediately, because I stressed myself out thinking I would never find a salary job. And yes, I finally have a MAC-book Pro, lol. None of these things came easy to me, at all. There were (and still are) a lot of tears, “borrowing” money from my parents, and God simply opening doors that I could NEVER open on my own.

I said all of that to quote Arthur Ashe, “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” If you don’t have a computer, go to the library. If you can’t afford a camera, borrow or rent one. If you don’t have a job, create one. Are you getting it? Hustle. Do what you can. Pray. Believe.

-N-

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Dear Single Woman, Stop Idolizing Marriage

August 13, 2012 5 Comments

source: msedna.blogspot.com

I’ve wanted to be married for as long as I can remember. You can pretty much say I was raised in the church and most definitely grew up in a Christian household. As a young Christian woman it seemed natural to think about who you were going to marry all the time and daydream of your wedding. I literally have memories of me planning my wedding with my friends and being encouraged by older women that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I was doing. We would make little comments like “My Boaz is on his way”, or “Girl you gotta get ready for your husband”, etc. On the dawn of each new season I just knew that it was “my season” to get married. You couldn’t tell me otherwise. So why was I still single? 

I was doing some evaluating about a year ago and I realized that I had completely made an idol out of marriage. A day couldn’t go by without me thinking about how life will be when I’m married, wondering who I’ll marry, or anything else about marriage. I was consumed with watching shows like “Wedding Story” or “Bridezillas”. My ultimate favorite was “My Fair Wedding” with David Tutera. I watched him create weddings that only one can dream of with tears in my eyes. I yearned for the day when it would be my turn to have my dreams become a reality. My thoughts of marriage went from being innocent girly dreams, to bitter nightmares of a woman who was clearly hopeless and desperate. I had become a slave to the thought of being married. I thought about it everyday. It haunted me. It was my idol. It still is my idol. 

I’m no expert of Theology, but I can speak from experience. It seems like single women put their focus entirely too much on marriage. Part of it isn’t our fault. It’s engrained in church culture, society, music, movies, etc. It’s everywhere you turn. Love. Love. Love. It may not seem like a big deal, but in the Christian world if you’re a single woman trying to hold on for marriage, it can begin to weigh heavy on your heart. At times I’ve felt like an outcast or maybe people thought something was wrong with me, because I wasn’t married yet. I spent majority of my time asking God to bless me with my idol instead of asking Him to help me cast it down.

1 Corinthians 7:34 says “The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit…”

If you’re a single Christian woman you can care for the THINGS OF THE LORD, that you may be holy in body and in spirit. I have wasted so much time caring for things like: When will I get married? Who am I going to marry? What should I name by daughter? I have neglected the things of the Lord and I feel terrible about it. This is why it says “that she may be holy both in body and in spirit…” If you spend majority of your time caring about things that are not of the Lord, it won’t be long before you begin to pursue those things. Do you know how many bootleg relationships I’ve manipudipped (manipulated)? Trust me, nothing good comes out of a relationship that God hasn’t planned for you and it leaves you feeling terrible, running right back to your marriage idol for comfort.

So now what?

  1. Confess. Acknowledge that you have made an idol out of marriage.
  2. Repent. Ask God to forgive you for putting an idol in the place where he should be. I recently wrote this scripture on the mirror in my bathroom with a Dry Erase marker. I pray it EVERY morning. “For in that day every man shall cast away his idols of silver, and his idols of gold, which your own hands have made to you for a sin”. -Isaiah 31:7-
  3. Trust. Wait. Have Faith. Be still. Don’t be thirsty. I know this is easier said than done. I once heard something so beautiful: “Let God write your love story”.

In the meantime there is so much more you can be doing. Enjoy your relationship with Christ. Grow closer to Him. Study God’s word. Volunteer at your charity of choice. Give back. Make an impaact on someone’s life. Write that book. Start that blog. Start that business. Take that photography class. Do you. Cast down your idols.

-N-

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Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

May 21, 2012 1 Comment

source: personal-goal-setting.com

Comparing myself to others almost destroyed my relationship with my father. I wish there were a shorter version to this story, but there isn’t.

Not to long ago I was in prayer about a few things that were heavy on my heart. I’m learning to be more open with myself and realize that I have deep rooted issues that needs healing. I confessed to the Lord that I have been comparing myself to a few people for years now, and that I was tired. As tears streamed down my face I was flooded of bittersweet memories. It has been a blessing to see some of my family and friends get married, but on the inside I couldn’t help but to think “Everyone is looking at me and wondering when will I jump the broom.” The same thoughts occur when I attend graduations of those receiving their Master’s or Ph.D., or when I meet someone excelling in the career of their choice. I even begin to question myself, “Nikki when will you go to grad school, or when will you excel in your career of choice?” Sometimes I feel like it’s the elephant in the room. Everyone is looking at me wondering “So, when will you be next?”

While in prayer the Lord revealed to me that He never intended for me to walk around with this burden. His word says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). I told God that I was tired of carrying this burden, I didn’t want it anymore, and that I was going to let it go that very moment.

Fast forward to one week later. My Daddy and I usually text each other a lot, but I noticed that I hadn’t heard from him in awhile. I sent him a text, and he responded by informing me that he was hurt that I hadn’t invited him to my ordination. Most of you guys don’t know this, but I was recently ordained as a minister. I explained to my Daddy that I didn’t invite anyone, which is the truth. At the last minute my mama went on Facebook and invited people, because she couldn’t believe how nonchalant I was being about the whole situation. Anyway, once I realized that I hurt my Daddy, I began to cry as I drove down the street. As I thought about it and was honest with myself, the reason that I didn’t make a big deal about it, is because I didn’t think people would even care, including my family. Since it wasn’t me inviting them to my wedding, or graduation ceremony, I felt like it really didn’t matter. It wasn’t until after the fact when people were telling me how much they would have loved to come, that I realized how much I’ve been downplaying my life.

I asked my mother to call my Daddy for me (I can be such a scary cat sometimes). My father went on to tell my mother that he’s so proud of me and wants to be apart of everything I have going on, nothing is small! Isn’t that awesome? But most importantly do you see how the enemy had completely flipped everything causing me to believe a lie? I’m so grateful that truth was exposed.

Since then I have spoken with my Daddy. We had a really good conversation a few days ago. I was sharing with him my career goals and he was basically reminding me of everything I’ve done thus far. He went on to say that I am on the brink of something BIG. After we got off the phone I coudn’t help but to smile at his words. That gave me an extra push that I needed.

So what am I saying? STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. This is something that I have not mastered AT ALL, but I realize that if I don’t ask God to help me with this, things can become detrimental. My life will never look like the woman beside me and her life will never look like mine. Everyone has their own story. We come from different households, backgrounds, cultures, etc.

I’ll never know why some women are married with children and I’m not. And I shouldn’t waste precious time trying to figure out why. I can’t compare myself to people who are making six figures and above. This will only cause me to not appreciate the money that I do have. Currently I am clinging to a scripture that sums it all up:

“Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.”

-Galatians 6:4-

-N-

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#1 Reject

April 30, 2012 2 Comments

source: positionu4college.wordpress.com

 At the age of 22 I experienced my first heartbreak. In retrospect, I see how the enemy has used that situation to His advantage.

I was pretty devastated that he and I were not going to work out. Afterwards it seemed like I was aimlessly drifting in search of love. A man was going to love me. I would make sure of it. I remember one time I kissed three different guys in one week. Although I was not sexually active, I was very emotionally promiscuous. I would find myself in the same cycle: I like a guy. He likes me. We talk for a few months, sometimes exchanging kisses. The end. There was never a relationship, commitment, etc. This pattern in my life began to hurt me and cause major damage to my self esteem. I came to the conclusion that I was rejected by men.

 Slowly but surely, that rejection went from men, to everyone. I hated the idea of meeting new people in fear of them rejecting me. So what did I do? I rejected them first, having limited to zero contact with them. But this was just the beginning. It soon grew like wildfire.

If I wrote on your Facebook page and you didn’t respond back my mind would automatically think “They don’t like you. They are mad at you. You’re rejected. Never reach out to them. Etc, etc, etc. “It was also the same for someone failing to follow me back on Twitter, respond to a text, direct message, etc. It’s quite sad and very exhausting.

 I will never forget the first and only time I heard a message preached on the spirit of rejection. My beautiful Aunty Gayle educated the entire congregation on this pathetic spirit, but I felt like she was talking directly to me. It was bittersweet. After years of secretly wondering if I was bipolar or just overly sensitive, I now knew exactly what was going on with me. Now, how do I make it stop?

 We all know that Peter denied Jesus three times. He rejected Christ. But doesn’t it warm your heart to see Jesus ask Peter if he loves Him three times (I’m guessing one for each time Peter denied Him), and then go on to forgive him (John 21: 15-17). Even though Peter rejected Jesus, He did not reject Peter. See what the spirit of rejection does is takes the focus off of Christ and puts it on yourself. “Don’t nobody like me. I’m unlovable. What’s wrong with me? , etc.” Me. Me. Me. It causes us to get so emotionally caught up in feeling sorry for ourselves, failing to have a fruit bearing relationship with Christ.

 Seeing that I battle with this spirit, I clearly see when someone else is battling with it as well. It hurts me to see how this spirit can destroy relationships and people are oblivious to the root that is causing much confusion.

 As I laid in the bed the other morning around 4:30 a.m. the Lord began to reveal to me how ever since Lucifer was dismissed from heaven, he has been on a mission to cause others to feel rejected by Christ. This is why he deceived Eve. He wanted God to reject her as well. The spirit of rejection is a weak, noodle back punk.

 I must often remind myself that Christ has accepted me and that’s all the acceptance I need (#bloodbought). When I feel those crazy thoughts surfacing, I don’t accept them. It’s a fight, but my fight is not alone.

 It has literally taken me months to write this letter. I knew that God wanted me to be transparent about this, because I’m not the only one dealing with this spirit. May God get all the glory.

Love Always,

 Nikki

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The “American Dream” has become my nightmare: Part 2

June 8, 2011 2 Comments

source: spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com

The other day I was reading Romans 12 and although I’ve read this chapter plenty of times before, it confirmed a few things that I wrote in my post “The American Dream has become my nightmare”. Romans 12: 1-2 says:

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

This passage is saying so much! As a follower of Christ what does it mean to present my body as a living sacrifice that is HOLY and ACCEPTABLE unto God, especially in this American, sex driven culture. In today’s culture, sex sells, period. The ads have become more explicit to the point where it is now the norm. Americans have become known for our “quick fix” diets and our desire to want to have the perfect body. This has become my nightmare. I desire to lose a few pounds, but I must ask myself why? I’m not overweight. I could stand to be more healthy, but my desire to lose weight triumphs over my desire to be healthy. I want to look good. This is where conviction comes in. Shouldn’t my desire first be to present my body as a living sacrifice that is HOLY and ACCEPTABLE unto God? What does that mean to me? I should watch what I eat and how I treat my body, not because I want to look good, but because of the simple fact that my body is not my own. My body belongs to God and is a living sacrifice. What does it mean for a sex driven culture that thoroughly promotes sex outside of marriage, explicit clothing, etc.? Not only should your body be holy, but it should also be acceptable unto God. Would you give God junk? No. It’s imperative that we know that our bodies are LIVING sacrifices, the total opposite of what this culture has taught us.

The second verse goes on to say: Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

If everyone is going after the “American Dream”, then I should definitely run the other way, since the word says to be not conformed to this world. I hate to sound gothic and emo, but at the end of the day this world is not my home. This world will continue to pass laws that goes against God’s original plan for creation. This world will not remember God. This world will worship idols. Therefore, followers of Christ should not be conformed to this world. It isn’t easy though, that’s why it says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The word “renewing” informs us that there will be a time in our journey where we will look up and realize that we have conformed. We must ask God to renew our minds. We must study and read our word in order to prove what is good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God. If we actively seek what is good and acceptable unto God, we’d be shocked to discover that most of the “American Dream” doesn’t really move God.

These are just my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you guys think and your take on this scripture.

Love Always,

Nikki

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