Exhaustion. Insomnia. Self doubt. Blah, blah, blah, because the list could actually go on if I let it. These are some of the things I’ve been dealing with for the past two weeks.
A few weeks ago, someone asked me how were things going, regarding my book ‘When God Said Yes’. I’m 31 and truly believe that with age comes the ability to care less about what people think and share what’s really true. So, I was honest with her. My Chicago book launch was a super high. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such euphoria in all of my days as a self-proclaimed writer. However, the days following have been super low.
Before I completely act like a spoiled rotten child having a fit in the middle of Walmart, let me first proclaim that God is good. He’s so good, that he’s allowed my book to be purchased all over the country. On top of that, over 300 women have downloaded the #30DayManFast. They’ve even created a Facebook group for fellowship, accountability, and encouragement. And the testimonies. Yes, the testimonies literally blow my mind. I feel so honored that God is using my book to literally change the life of women. That alone makes my struggle worth it all. But every now and then, I get tired. Every now and then, I am discouraged.
I’m tired, Effie, I’m tired.
I’m tired, because I’ve been working. Working and fighting. You’d think I’d be used to this, seeing it’s the story of my life. While it seemed like everyone went away to college right after graduating from high school, I was left behind. I finally had the chance to move on campus and start my college career at the age of 22. Crazy. After college, literally the day after graduation, it seems like EVERYBODY got married. Not me, though. I had to go through plenty of “No More Drama” moments, until I came to the conclusion that God had a plan that would manifest in due time. However, I still wondered why love seemed to find everyone else so easy.
This trend continues to follow me. Things that come easy for the average person, doesn’t come easy for me. AT ALL. I found myself complaining about this to my husband, and he said something that literally lifted a huge weight off of me:
To whom much is given, much is required. Luke 12:48
I’m a church girl. I’ve heard this scripture a plethora of times. I THOUGHT I knew what it meant, but for some reason it really resonated with me.
Last week my friend gave me a call at 8:00 a.m. Her and I had been texting about the things that was currently keeping us down. I vented to her… EVERYTHING. She confirmed exactly what I suspected.
Everyday I receive messages from women all over the world, proclaiming how much ‘When God Said Yes’ & ‘The 30 Day Man Fast’ has changed them. I don’t say that boastfully. I give ALL glory to God. Since he gives seed to the sower, he gave me the words to write. They aren’t my own. They belong to Him. However, since I am the vessel he used, the enemy attacks… me.
Maybe that’s why everything in life seems to be a fight. Maybe this is why I know I’m not alone. Maybe this is the sentiments of my Christian sisters & brothers across the globe. Maybe this is why Jesus said to his disciples:
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24
And then there’s this:
A Psalm of David. Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight: Psalm 144:1